The Blue Man
by idioticonion
Summary: Marshall and Ted get their revenge on Barney. Explicit M/M Slash threeway. Set right of after Season 4 Woo.


_Set after "Woo"_

"Nurgh!" Barney commented, looking up at Ted and Marshall. Marshall raised an eyebrow, nudging Ted, and the two of them hauled Barney to his feet.

"You learned your lesson dude?" Marshall said as they had to half-drag him out of Giddy-ups and into a cab. As the car sped back towards Ted's apartment, Barney quickly recovered his regular cocky demeanour.

"Are you kidding me?" He snorted. "You two just totally cock-blocked me. Those skank friends of Lily's wanted a three way with me. You totally took my tricycle! I want my tricycle!" He demanded petulantly.

Ted rolled his eyes long suffering, but Barney's attitude was starting to grate on Marshall. Not only had Barney betrayed Ted by choosing the Sven over his best friend, but now he was whining about some hypothetical hook-up? If Marshall thought that tying Barney to the mechanical bull was a way to make him see sense then he realized how stupid he'd been. In the depths of his alcohol-steeped brain, a flash of rage fired bright and red.

It was time to get tough.

"Ted," Marshall said softly, catching Ted's eye with a knowing smile. "He's right. We need to make it up to him. What do you say we show Barney the Blue Man?"

Barney beamed drunkenly. "That some kind of porno? Awesome!"

Ted's eyes widened. "Dude are you sure? We haven't done that in... well, since college."

Marshall shrugged. "Oh I think Barney's had it coming for a while."

Barney was still babbling when they dragged him up the stairs and into Ted's bedroom, where he promptly fell on to the bed, giggling. "Can't stand up!" He said, finding this hysterically funny.

"You don't need to stand up for the Blue Man," Marshall said with an evil glint in his eye. "Does he Ted?"

"What?" Barney said, still grinning like a fool, as Ted and Marshall reached down to grab him, Marshall holding him steady while Ted went for Barney's pants. Drunk as he was, and dizzy as he was, Barney soon began to struggle. "Guys! Guys! What are you doing?" He yelped, as Ted pulled down his boxers. Barney let out a squeal as Marshall and Ted flipped him on to his front.

"The Blue Man isn't a porno," Marshall laughed as Barney squirmed in their grip. "It's a... sex act!" He laughed. "Something me an Ted got drawn into at College."

Ted laughed as Barney tried to kick at him and managed to crawl on the bed between Barney's long legs and drag down his own fly. "Yeah, we'd do pretty much anything to score weed..." He laughed fondly at the memory. "Not something you forget," he winked at Marshall.

Barney looked up at the big man, shaking his head. "C'mon. You gotta be kidding me. Ted! I'm your best friend! You can't do this to me!"

Marshall reached out for Barney's discarded pants and drew out a condom and a packet of lube, throwing them across the bed to Ted. "Dude, you totally sold Ted out for the Sven," Marshall told him, pulling off Barney's tie so he could loop it around the struggling man's wrists, binding them tight. "You can't keep screwing people over like that without there being any consequences."

"Marshall," Barney's eyes were wide and fearful. "I'll give you anything. I'll give you ten thousand dollars! Dude! Twenty thousand dollars! I'll give you- FUCK!" The last word came out as an explosive yell because Ted had stuck as slick finger inside him and was wriggling it around. Marshall watched Barney's face carefully, because they didn't really want to hurt Barney, not really. He nodded to Ted, who slid in another finger, scissoring the tight entrance.

"Du- Nu- Fu!" Barney moaned, but he was no longer struggling so much as undulating against the mattress, his body moving in a sinuous "S" as Ted finger-fucked him.

"Now, man," Marshall called out, and as Barney was left squirming and panting, Ted took the opportunity to roll on a condom, line himself up and haul Barney onto his knees. He penetrated the other man with a careful thrust, and Barney's eyes squeezed shut, he swore, then groaned, all the while Marshall watching him. When he realized this, Barney tries to look away, but Marshall only laughed and unzippered his own fly, letting his dick fall into his hand, hot and heavy.

He brushed the tip against Barney's lips and chuckled at the rebellion in Barney's eyes. "C'mon dude. Don't hold back. Suck it all down, Bro."

Barney shook his head.

Again, Marshall nodded to Ted and Ted snaked a hand between Barney's legs, digging his fingers into Barney's balls.

Barney yelped then went still.

"Mmmm," Ted sighed with satisfaction. "Wow, you will not believe the way he feels, Marshall. You want a try? He's so tight and tense right now!" Ted thrust hard into Barney a couple of times, making the point, making Barney whimper.

Marshall shook his head. "Nah, I think Barney's ready to play ball, right buddy?" He asked. And Barney opened his mouth obediently, allowing Marshall to push the bulbous head of his dick into the warm wet cavern of his mouth. "Now suck," he ordered.

It was a weird push-and-pull between the three of them that went on for long minutes. Ted thrusting forward, forcing Marshall's dick a little further into Barney's mouth. Ted moved his hand from Barney's balls up to the column of his penis, stroking it so that it stiffened and grew hard. As he began to jerk Barney off, Barney began to hum with pleasure, which made Marshall moan which made Ted thrust harder.

And so the circle continued, with the sound of moans and the slapping noise of flesh penetrating flesh, until it finally peaked in a crescendo of sweat and desperate ecstasy and all three men came within a minute of each other. Ted was last, pushing into Barney one last time with a yell of triumph.

"I totally win!" He laughed, as he rolled away from Barney and Marshall untied Barney's hands. The blonde fell onto the bed and lay there, groaning.

"You know, I never got why they call this the Blue Man?" Ted said, sitting down on the bed next to Barney and running his fingers through the other man's hair.

Marshall laughed. "No idea dude, but every time I see an ad for that show The Blue Man Group, I get an erection!"

"Me too," Ted laughed shaking his head.

Barney covered his face with both arms and groaned.

"So, you're never gonna do anything like that to me again?" Ted said sternly.

"Screw you," Barney said in a tiny, muffled voice.

Ted grinned. "I was hoping you'd say that," he laughed. "Marshall, looks like you get a turn after all."

And with a wink, he threw Marshall a condom.


End file.
